Don’t we all want to be loved? The kind that sweeps us off our feet– exciting yet securing and enchanting but authentic. A love that transcends boundaries dissolving all types of prejudice as it opens our hearts. Something so powerful yet grounding, a bond that connects us to one another. Love, a powerful combination of letters. So what is love? Other than it is a chemical reaction or imbalance of hormones. Humanity has given it countless meanings and numerous versions of it have been cultivated in different parts of the world but despite its complexity, one particular kind often goes unnoticed.

Self-love has been heavily neglected despite its significance. Regardless of many advocacies surfacing on the media about self-love many are still facing difficulties in getting on board with the journey. But why? As being with someone is eagerly romanticized the concept of solitude is seen as lonely and depressing even. We ought to think that love should always be shared with another person. We long for connection but we deprive and cut ourselves off from it.

Let’s be honest, all of us have looked for love in others. In different cultures, romantic love has been encouraged– something we should seek and devote ourselves to in the belief that it will bring us a profound meaning in our lives and a fairytale-like union. We are bombarded by images of happy couples, love stories, and a damsel in distress waiting to be saved by a prince. So it is not surprising that many of us see love as a crowning glory, something to be sought, found, earned, and won. Something we have looked for in others or material endeavors. Worst case scenario, our hearts have taken a pummeling. Some of us may turn our back on the very idea of love, while others give it another chance.

The thing is, we don’t actually need to search for it in others. In fact, it is and has always been available right here, right now, within you. As cliche as it may be, self-love will bring you the truth: Love is not something you have to seek or win. There is an infinite supply of it within you– enough to fill your cup and still be able to pour on others. All we need to know is how to gain access to it.

As human beings, we are expected to be selfless, but its meaning has become misunderstood. It does not equate to abandoning our needs but rather to loving ourselves the same way we are always willing to love others. So the answer to the ‘how’ is simple but definitely not easy. How can we first love ourselves? Let’s start with something small, how do you want to be loved? Through words of affirmation? Acts of service? Quality time? Knowing how you want to be loved will give you a sense of self-connection that would start your journey towards self-love.

Each of us needs and deserves love and nothing could ever compare to the kind of love that flourishes from oneself. This Valentine’s season, when love is in the air, allow yourself to be loved by yourself as it is a privilege because it takes a lot of hard work. A love that heals and brings peace, the type of intimacy you can’t find anywhere else but within. Let the love month be the start of your journey towards self-love, an adventure that brings growth and healing. So that someday, when love arrives, you will be able to recognize and reciprocate it without draining and exhausting yourself.